BDSM Glossary – Terms Explained Simply
BDSM Glossary – Terms Explained Simply
BDSM covers a broad range of practices and has its own vocabulary, much of which can seem opaque to newcomers. This glossary covers the most commonly used terms across the full alphabet, plainly explained. BDSM itself breaks down into three overlapping pairs: bondage and discipline (B/D), dominance and submission (D/s), and sadism and masochism (S/M or S&M).
A
Abrasion – Stimulating the skin with a rough material such as sandpaper, a brush, or leather. Used for sensation play.
Aftercare – The period after a BDSM scene where participants decompress, reconnect, and return to their everyday headspace. During intense scenes, the body produces an endorphin high; when this dissipates, some people experience “subdrop” – a crash that can involve emotional vulnerability, cold-like symptoms, or low mood for a day or more. Proper aftercare – physical comfort, reassurance, and time – reduces the impact of subdrop significantly. Aftercare is not optional; it’s part of responsible practice.
Age Play – Role play involving one or both partners adopting the persona of someone significantly older or younger than their real age. A form of consensual role play between adults.
B
Ball Stretchers – Leather or metal devices worn around the scrotum to stretch the testicles. Used for both sensation and restraint play.
Blindfolds – One of the most accessible forms of sensory deprivation. Removing sight heightens all other senses and creates vulnerability. Available in leather, silk, and silicone.
Bondage – The practice of restraining a partner using rope, cuffs, ties, or other means. Ranges from light wrist restraint to complex shibari (Japanese rope bondage).
Bottom – The receiving partner in a BDSM dynamic – the person being restrained, dominated, or receiving sensation. Not necessarily the same as submissive; a bottom receives physical sensation while a submissive yields control.
Breath Control – A practice in which the dominant controls the submissive’s breathing. Considered high-risk edge play; oxygen deprivation can be fatal. Not recommended without extensive knowledge and preparation.
C
Caning – Impact play using a cane, typically bamboo or rattan. Produces a sharp, stingy sensation – considerably more intense than most other impact implements. Not recommended for beginners to impact play.
Chastity Device – A lockable device worn to prevent genital stimulation or sexual activity. Used as a form of orgasm control and power exchange, with the keyholder controlling when (if) the device is removed.
Clothespins / Clothes Pegs – A common entry-level clamp substitute for nipple or other body-part stimulation. Inexpensive and adjustable by how far they’re placed – closer to the tip is more intense.
Collaring – The act of a dominant placing a collar on a submissive, symbolising an ongoing D/s relationship. Considered a significant commitment in BDSM communities.
Consensual Non-Consent (CNC) – A negotiated scene in which participants act out scenarios involving apparent non-consent, within carefully agreed limits and with full prior discussion. Both parties have consented in advance to the specific scenario.
D
Dungeon – A room or space dedicated to BDSM play, equipped with relevant furniture and implements. The term covers anything from a basic spare room with a few tie points to fully fitted spaces with crosses, benches, and frames.
Dominant (Dom/Domme) – The partner who takes the controlling role in a D/s dynamic. A Dom (male) or Domme (female) directs the scene and the submissive partner.
Discipline – The use of rules, punishment, and reward to maintain a dynamic between partners. The disciplinary partner (usually the dominant) may set tasks or expectations; failure results in agreed consequences.
E
Electricity Play – Using electrical devices (TENS units, violet wands, electro-sex toys) to deliver controlled stimulation through the skin. Safe below the waist; never across the heart or chest. See also: medical sex toys.
Exhibitionism – Arousal from being observed. In BDSM contexts this often takes the form of performing for an audience at a club or event, rather than public indecency (which is illegal).
Edge Play – Activities that approach or push the limits of what participants consider acceptable. Typically refers to activities with higher risk or more extreme sensation than most BDSM practices. Requires particularly careful negotiation and risk awareness.
F
Fire Play – Edge play using flame on or near the body. Usually involves flash-burning fuel on the skin, which is extinguished immediately. Genuinely dangerous; requires real skill and preparation and a spotter.
Fisting – Insertion of the whole hand into the vagina or anus. Requires extensive warm-up, large quantities of appropriate lubricant, and very gradual progression. Not a beginner activity.
Foot Worship – Erotic attention given to feet – licking, kissing, massaging, or submitting to being stood on. One of the most common fetish activities and a natural entry point for many people interested in D/s dynamics.
Forced Nudity – Requiring the submissive to remain unclothed in a scene as a form of vulnerability and control. A relatively accessible form of power exchange that doesn’t require physical restraint.
Fetish – A sexual fixation on a specific object, body part, or situation that is typically non-sexual in mainstream contexts. Common fetishes include feet, leather, latex, and specific clothing items.
Flogging – Impact play using a flogger – a multi-tailed implement with falls (the tails) made from leather, suede, rubber, or fabric. Suede floggers produce a thuddy, massage-like sensation at low intensity; leather produces sharper sensation. Used across the back, buttocks, and upper legs in most contexts.
G
Gags – Devices used to restrict speech or fill the mouth. Common types include ball gags, bit gags (used in pony play), and open-mouth gags. When a gag is in use, the submissive cannot use a spoken safe word – establish a physical signal instead (dropping an object, tapping three times).
H
Hot Wax – Dripping wax from candles onto skin for sensation. The temperature sensation varies from mild to intense depending on the type of candle – standard paraffin candles burn too hot for most people; purpose-made low-melt BDSM candles are much safer. Always test on less sensitive skin first. Never near the face.
Humiliation – A form of psychological play in which the submissive is required to perform acts they find embarrassing or degrading, within a fully negotiated and consensual dynamic. Distinct from genuine disrespect – both parties derive satisfaction from the dynamic.
Hard Limit – An activity a person will not do under any circumstances. Hard limits are absolute and non-negotiable during any scene. The opposite of a soft limit, which is something a person is uncomfortable with but may be willing to try under specific circumstances.
S
Safe Word – A pre-agreed word or signal that either participant can use to stop a scene immediately. When used, activity ceases without question. Common choices include “red” (stop), “yellow” (slow down or check in), and “green” (continue). Essential in any BDSM play.
Scene – A structured BDSM encounter, as distinct from everyday interaction. “Playing a scene” refers to engaging in a specific BDSM activity within agreed parameters.
SSC – Safe, Sane, and Consensual. The foundational principle of ethical BDSM: activities should be physically safe, participants should be in a clear-headed state, and all parties should actively consent to what’s happening.
Submissive (Sub) – The partner who yields control in a D/s dynamic. The submissive follows the dominant’s direction and receives sensation or restraint. Despite what the name implies, the submissive typically has significant power in defining limits and can end any scene at any time.
T
Top – The partner who gives sensation, applies restraint, or takes the active role in a scene. Not necessarily the same as dominant – a top may be providing physical sensation without a broader power dynamic being in play.
V
Vanilla – A term for non-BDSM sex or relationships, used within BDSM communities without negative connotation. Not a criticism – simply a descriptor for the absence of power dynamics, restraint, or sensation play.
I
Ice Play – Using ice cubes or cold objects on the skin for temperature sensation. Pairs well with wax play for hot/cold contrast. One of the most accessible forms of sensation play.
Impact Play – The broad category of activities involving striking the body – spanking, flogging, caning, paddling. Different implements and techniques produce different sensations from thuddy and deep to sharp and stingy.
Infantilism – Role play in which one participant takes on the role of a child or baby, including appropriate clothing, behaviour, and treatment by the dominant (as a caregiver). A consenting adult activity.
K
Kidnap Play – A negotiated scene simulating abduction, carried out within fully agreed and consensual boundaries. Entirely distinct from real kidnapping; requires extensive pre-scene discussion.
Kneeling – In some D/s relationships, the submissive kneels when the dominant enters a room or is present, as a gesture of respect and acknowledgement of the power dynamic.
Knife Play – A form of edge play using knives or blades on the skin, either for sensation (the cold, flat edge) or, in more extreme practices, for marking. Requires real technical knowledge and should not be attempted without it.
L
Leather – Both a material and a subculture. In BDSM contexts, leather is associated with dominance and is widely fetishised. Also the primary material in traditional floggers, restraints, and harnesses.
Limits – The activities a submissive is unwilling or hesitant to do. Hard limits are absolute; soft limits are things a person is uncertain about but may be open to under specific conditions.
M
Masochism – Deriving sexual or sensory pleasure from receiving pain. Part of the S/M component of BDSM. A masochist is the person who receives pain in this context.
Master/Slave – An agreed D/s relationship in which the Master holds extensive or total control over the slave’s behaviour and choices. Can be played in scenes or, for some couples, as an ongoing dynamic.
Medical Play – Role play using clinical settings, tools, and scenarios – examination rooms, medical instruments, clinical dress. See also: medical sex toys.
Mummification – A form of full-body bondage in which the submissive is wrapped in bandages, cling film, or similar materials to restrict all movement. An opening must always be maintained for breathing.
N
Nipple Clamps – Devices placed on the nipples to restrict blood flow and intensify sensation. Available in adjustable and fixed versions; sensation increases sharply when removed.
O
Orgasm Control – The dominant partner controlling when, whether, and how the submissive is permitted to orgasm. Can include orgasm denial (indefinitely preventing climax) or forced orgasm (requiring repeated climax).
OTK (Over the Knee) – A spanking position in which the submissive is placed across the dominant’s lap. A classic discipline dynamic.
P
Pain Play – Activities that involve the deliberate infliction or receipt of pain for erotic purposes. Distinct from accidental harm – the sensation is sought and enjoyed by both parties.
Pony Play – Role play in which the submissive adopts the role of a pony or horse, complete with appropriate equipment: bridles, bits, harnesses, and sometimes tail plugs. The dominant typically acts as rider or trainer.
ProDom / ProDomme – A professional dominant who charges for sessions. ProDom is typically used for male dominants, ProDomme for female.
Punishment – A consequence agreed in advance for breaking a rule or behaving in a specified way. Commonly takes the form of spanking, restriction, or additional tasks.
Puppy Play – Role play in which the submissive acts as a dog – complete with collar, lead, and expected behaviour. The dominant takes the role of owner or handler.
R
Rope Bondage – Restraint using rope rather than cuffs or other hardware. Ranges from simple wrist ties to complex shibari (Japanese decorative rope work). Requires knowledge of safe tie points – never place rope directly on the neck, and always be able to cut ties quickly if needed.
Rubber / Latex – A popular fetish material associated with tight-fitting clothing, sensory restriction, and tactile sensation. Latex requires specific care products and is incompatible with oil-based lubricants.
S (continued)
Sadism – Deriving pleasure from inflicting pain or humiliation. The sadist is the person inflicting sensation in an S/M dynamic.
Saint Andrew’s Cross – An X-shaped frame, usually wall-mounted or freestanding, with attachment points for restraining the wrists and ankles. Used for impact play, sensation play, and discipline scenes.
Sensation Play – A broad category of activities focused on stimulating the senses – using temperature (ice, wax), texture (feathers, Wartenberg wheels), or restriction of sensation (blindfolds, earplugs). Not necessarily painful.
Sensory Deprivation – Blocking one or more senses – sight, hearing, touch – to heighten the remaining ones and create a state of vulnerability. Blindfolds are the most common method.
Slave – A submissive who yields extensive or total control to a dominant, often in an ongoing dynamic rather than just within specific scenes.
Soft Limit – An activity a person is uncertain about or hesitant to try, but may be open to exploring carefully. Distinct from a hard limit, which is absolute.
Spanking – Striking the buttocks with an open hand or implement. A very common BDSM activity, ranging from light and playful to more intense discipline contexts.
Speculum – A medical instrument used in some BDSM scenes, typically inserted into the vagina or anus. Requires care, adequate lubrication, and clear communication. Stainless steel versions are preferred for hygiene.
Spreader Bar – A rigid bar with attachment points at each end, used to keep the submissive’s legs or arms held apart. Limits movement effectively without rope or cuffs at each limb.
Subspace – A dissociative mental state some submissives enter during intense scenes, characterised by reduced pain perception, euphoria, and a feeling of disconnection. Requires careful aftercare when it occurs.
Switch – A person who comfortably occupies both dominant and submissive roles, either across different relationships or within the same one.
T (continued)
Tease and Denial – Arousing a partner and then preventing them from reaching orgasm, repeatedly. Builds intense sensitivity and anticipation. Related to orgasm control.
TPE (Total Power Exchange) – A dynamic in which the dominant has complete authority over the submissive’s decisions and actions. The most extensive form of D/s, typically lived as an ongoing lifestyle rather than a scene dynamic.
W
Warm-Up – The opening phase of a BDSM scene, using lighter sensations to prepare the body and nervous system before more intense activity. Skipping warm-up increases the risk of injury and reduces the submissive’s ability to manage intensity.
Weights – Devices attached to nipples, labia, or testicles to provide pulling sensation. Available in various designs for different areas of the body.
Whips – Impact implements with a single tail, used to strike the body. More precise and sharper in sensation than floggers. Requires practice to use accurately and safely – misdirected strikes can cause injury.
